Took me a few days to read as I knew it would be harrowing. I cannot disagree with anything you have written.
As I reflect on your comments I am mindful that many women, by default, blame themselves when they face struggles in their marriage. Historically as a church we have not been good at challenging this. Maybe that’s because, in my experience, many men, not just the obvious evildoers, are innately much less likely to doubt themselves in the area of their marriage.
The result of this is that when there is marital dysfunction, the husband’s perspective is allowed greater credence. These situations invariably get worse until the wife somehow finds a way to think differently. And that’s a long, tough and controversial journey.
I’m sorry to speak in general terms here, I’m not trying to get at ‘men’. To my husband’s credit he has been very supportive of me over 40 years of marriage. It’s just that being involved in church leadership for decades, I am aware of some dreadful situations, and it is not appropriate to share details.
Thank you for putting this article together. I hope it helps women in particular to review their experience and thinking.
I really appreciate you taking the time and energy to sift through this material - I'm fully aware that it is not easy to read, and as I navigate the terrain myself, I'm not always sure that I'm saying what I really mean (or even that I know what I really mean)!! As such, your allyship is invaluable.
I'm very interested to hear from the experiences of believing women as, fairly obviously, the central issues here are not simply exegetical but embodied and about people's lived encounter with the faith.
I don't think that you are in any way ‘getting at men’ (and quite frankly I wouldn't consider it such a bad thing if you were)!!!! Again, people's lived experience of this will be varied, but I think a lot of harm has been done and potential harm will still be done if we are not more honest about the functionality of marriage as a religious institution. Blindly calling wives men's ‘helpers’, based on the Adam and Eve narratives, without realising that that the term ‘helper’ is normally used of God in the Bible, is likely to skew the portrait.
My key wish to that end is that Christ centred deconstruction will empower voices from the margins, so we do not privilege the positions of the power brokers either in the church or the world - my fancy way of saying everyone should speak up!
Wow what an amazing read. Thank you SO much Andy for this powerful and urgent article. Having experienced (directly and indirectly) a lot of mistreatment (in the world and sadly even within church) and a serious undervaluing of women (amongst worse abuses also) this is such an encouragement and light. An essential read for anyone in church leadership. I have encouraged our TVCOC leaders to read. Many thanks and God Bless.
I really appreciate your engagement and thoughts! There is one more section of this to go if I can ever get round to it!
I'm sorry you have experienced mistreatment - even sorrier that this has even been within believing community. Alas, as I am discovering, your experience is more common than i thought.
I appreciate you recommending it to the Thames Valley leaders - please feel free to send it round wherever you think it might be useful.
Took me a few days to read as I knew it would be harrowing. I cannot disagree with anything you have written.
As I reflect on your comments I am mindful that many women, by default, blame themselves when they face struggles in their marriage. Historically as a church we have not been good at challenging this. Maybe that’s because, in my experience, many men, not just the obvious evildoers, are innately much less likely to doubt themselves in the area of their marriage.
The result of this is that when there is marital dysfunction, the husband’s perspective is allowed greater credence. These situations invariably get worse until the wife somehow finds a way to think differently. And that’s a long, tough and controversial journey.
I’m sorry to speak in general terms here, I’m not trying to get at ‘men’. To my husband’s credit he has been very supportive of me over 40 years of marriage. It’s just that being involved in church leadership for decades, I am aware of some dreadful situations, and it is not appropriate to share details.
Thank you for putting this article together. I hope it helps women in particular to review their experience and thinking.
Dear Penny,
I really appreciate you taking the time and energy to sift through this material - I'm fully aware that it is not easy to read, and as I navigate the terrain myself, I'm not always sure that I'm saying what I really mean (or even that I know what I really mean)!! As such, your allyship is invaluable.
I'm very interested to hear from the experiences of believing women as, fairly obviously, the central issues here are not simply exegetical but embodied and about people's lived encounter with the faith.
I don't think that you are in any way ‘getting at men’ (and quite frankly I wouldn't consider it such a bad thing if you were)!!!! Again, people's lived experience of this will be varied, but I think a lot of harm has been done and potential harm will still be done if we are not more honest about the functionality of marriage as a religious institution. Blindly calling wives men's ‘helpers’, based on the Adam and Eve narratives, without realising that that the term ‘helper’ is normally used of God in the Bible, is likely to skew the portrait.
My key wish to that end is that Christ centred deconstruction will empower voices from the margins, so we do not privilege the positions of the power brokers either in the church or the world - my fancy way of saying everyone should speak up!
Wow what an amazing read. Thank you SO much Andy for this powerful and urgent article. Having experienced (directly and indirectly) a lot of mistreatment (in the world and sadly even within church) and a serious undervaluing of women (amongst worse abuses also) this is such an encouragement and light. An essential read for anyone in church leadership. I have encouraged our TVCOC leaders to read. Many thanks and God Bless.
Dear Joan,
I really appreciate your engagement and thoughts! There is one more section of this to go if I can ever get round to it!
I'm sorry you have experienced mistreatment - even sorrier that this has even been within believing community. Alas, as I am discovering, your experience is more common than i thought.
I appreciate you recommending it to the Thames Valley leaders - please feel free to send it round wherever you think it might be useful.
God bless,
Andy.
I appreciate this article, Andy. Thank you.
I appreciate you reading the material, Sharon! Do add any thoughts or ideas as you have them - your input is highly valued!!!