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Penny Cox's avatar

Took me a few days to read as I knew it would be harrowing. I cannot disagree with anything you have written.

As I reflect on your comments I am mindful that many women, by default, blame themselves when they face struggles in their marriage. Historically as a church we have not been good at challenging this. Maybe that’s because, in my experience, many men, not just the obvious evildoers, are innately much less likely to doubt themselves in the area of their marriage.

The result of this is that when there is marital dysfunction, the husband’s perspective is allowed greater credence. These situations invariably get worse until the wife somehow finds a way to think differently. And that’s a long, tough and controversial journey.

I’m sorry to speak in general terms here, I’m not trying to get at ‘men’. To my husband’s credit he has been very supportive of me over 40 years of marriage. It’s just that being involved in church leadership for decades, I am aware of some dreadful situations, and it is not appropriate to share details.

Thank you for putting this article together. I hope it helps women in particular to review their experience and thinking.

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Joan Mankoo's avatar

Wow what an amazing read. Thank you SO much Andy for this powerful and urgent article. Having experienced (directly and indirectly) a lot of mistreatment (in the world and sadly even within church) and a serious undervaluing of women (amongst worse abuses also) this is such an encouragement and light. An essential read for anyone in church leadership. I have encouraged our TVCOC leaders to read. Many thanks and God Bless.

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